Butterfly Muscles

A few weeks ago my wife and I visited the butterfly exhibit at Callaway Gardens. Truly beautiful.

Just before you enter the huge atrium full of over 3000 butterflies, you pass through an area where you can see the butterflies in various stages of metamorphosis. Some were just coming out of their cocoons and were flushing blood into their wings before taking flight.

But in the corner was a butterfly who could not open its wings. It was stuck. It would soon die, I was told. Most likely, I later learned, the cocoon opened too quickly and the fight of emerging from where it had been growing was lost and the butterfly did not get a chance to strengthen its muscles enough to be able to spread its wings and fly.

It reminded me of a time, many years ago, when I was asked to help raise money for an outdoor play course at a local elementary school. Honored to help, I neglected to ask enough questions before we got started. About half way through the organizers began talking about how excited they were that the course was getting a special recognition.

The special recognition was because every child could use the course. It was part of the every child is a winner philosophy, very much in vogue at the time.

I first thought that this meant that kids with physical challenges would be able to use the play area. I could get behind that. But I later learned it meant that any kid could complete the course without any real physical activity. Basically, the child was rewarded for not developing his or her muscles.

Much like the butterfly who did not have to overcome the restraints of the cocoon, we too, In our attempt to be inclusive and make kids feel good about themselves, have lowered the standards that work as "barriers" for the child to overcome which in turn strengthen the child.

Kids have to overcome. We don't need to create more barriers for them, but we do have to love them enough and believe in them enough that they will know the success of pushing through.

We would never think of telling a child "Don't bother learning the letters, you don't need to read," or "Don't learn to count, we'll do it for you." And yet we do this everyday when we push self esteem and reward a child for doing what they need to do and what they should do.

Instead, we need to reward children for pushing beyond their limitations. For overcoming obstacles. We need to encourage children to understand that each and every child has gifts and that they are all different. And that each gift, each child's contribution counts.

Enough with building self esteem. The (20 something) kid who physically challenged me last night because I would not let him use the emergency exit had plenty of self esteem. What he lacked was self respect. I can guarantee that he grew up in the every child a winner philosophy.

I wonder what kind of man he would be today if instead he had been challenged to push through the cocoon of his environment and learned to succeed with his own talents and gifts.

I can tell you that our kids here at the Y are learning to push through, develop their muscles, and spread their wings. Their motivation is not to have someone else tell them they are special, it is to know they are special because they have overcome.